Pre-Self-Disqualifying
Dealing with the voices in your head of guilt and shame
In the passage for this month’s Greenhouse Retreat, Jesus calls Matthew to leave his tax collectors booth (and all the wealth that came with it) and follow him.
The fact that Matthew immediately does so indicates that Jesus was extremely compelling AND that Matthew has likely heard Jesus preach before.
Maybe he’s even heard Jesus talk about the deceitfulness of wealth before.
But hearing that hadn’t compelled Matthew to obey Jesus’s teaching and leave his tax collectors booth.
There might be many reasons for this, including one that maybe you’re familiar with: “Because I’ve done X, I’m disqualified from what Jesus is offering.”
People pre-self-disqualify themselves from receiving grace and following Jesus for all sorts of reasons: sin in the past, sin or sin pattern in the present, generally feeling not worthy, or thinking that those kinds of good gifts are reserved for some “other people.”
This work of pre-self-disqualifying is common among those of us who tend to carry a lot of guilt or shame about who we are or what we’ve done.
Is there any tendency in you to pre-self-disqualify? To assume that Jesus would not want you or would not bless you or would not call you or meet you for some reason that has to do with who you are, who you aren’t, or what you’ve done?
If that’s you, take just a couple of minutes to write out any pre-self-disqualifying voices in your head.Now pray through that list and surrender each of your reasons, one at a time, to the Lord. As you pray through each one, take a beat to be silent to see if the Lord would speak anything in response. Your prayer could be something like this:
“Lord, here is one reason why I think I am disqualified from being a part of your community or your purposes in the world: __________.
I surrender this voice of accusation to you and I pray that you’d release me from it.
I quiet myself before you as I give you this voice of accusation and open myself to what the Spirit might say to my spirit.”
This is just one exercise in this month’s always free Greenhouse Retreat: Dinner at Matthew’s house. Click here to access the rest!
Greenhouse retreats: helping you create conditions ideal for fruitfulness.
Happy flourishing y’all,
Alex